in the english class i took my junior year in high school, i got an A or A+ on every paper but one. i think it was the second paper i wrote. i stayed after school to talk to my teacher.
"why did i get an A-?"
he sighed.
"look, it's not often that i give out A-pluses. an A- really won't hurt your average..."
"no no no no no. i don't want to talk about this." i covered the big red A-. "i want to talk about this." i waved my other hand over the rest of the page. "i just want to write better."
this is how i feel about grades. i don't care about being a valedictorian or having a 4.0. i never have. what i want is to know that i can communicate effectively and confidently what i've learned. an A on a paper to me says, "well, shoot, you've got this. and i dig what you're saying here. you explain things really well in a style that is pleasant to read." a 95 on a multiple choice test, on the other hand, says, "good job cramming."
so there, finals. in one sense, you are killing me, because i need to pass these classes, and the testing center in which you reside gives me the willies. in another sense, a bigger sense: i am just not into you.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
jokes by ned
on tuesday i went grocery shopping.
i was wandering the frozen food aisle when an old man in one of those motorized scooter/wheelchair things came up to me.
"are you and your husband having a nice time?"
this was funny because i was alone, so i laughed.
"i have some jokes for you," he said. "you'll like them. they're funny."
he pulled out a packet of jokes he had photocopied from a joke book. on the top of the first page he had scrawled, "JOKES BY NED." i pretended to glance through the packet.
"yeah, these are pretty good."
"will you give me some money for my jokes? i bet you have a five-dollar bill in your purse there."
i pulled out my wallet. "uh, no," i said, "but i have a one-dollar bill." i handed it to him.
"that's not enough."
"i do what i can, sir."
he looked at the dollar bill in his hands.
"give me back my jokes."
"give me back my dollar."
"FINE."
and he motored off to harass some boys at the other end of the aisle.
i was wandering the frozen food aisle when an old man in one of those motorized scooter/wheelchair things came up to me.
"are you and your husband having a nice time?"
this was funny because i was alone, so i laughed.
"i have some jokes for you," he said. "you'll like them. they're funny."
he pulled out a packet of jokes he had photocopied from a joke book. on the top of the first page he had scrawled, "JOKES BY NED." i pretended to glance through the packet.
"yeah, these are pretty good."
"will you give me some money for my jokes? i bet you have a five-dollar bill in your purse there."
i pulled out my wallet. "uh, no," i said, "but i have a one-dollar bill." i handed it to him.
"that's not enough."
"i do what i can, sir."
he looked at the dollar bill in his hands.
"give me back my jokes."
"give me back my dollar."
"FINE."
and he motored off to harass some boys at the other end of the aisle.
Monday, November 17, 2008
the first and last thing i will say
for the past two months, not a day has gone by on BYU campus that "prop 8" hasn't been mentioned. for the past two months, i have not said a word. nor do i plan to. even in the most relaxed environment, people talk about the subject as if they are being personally attacked. it baffles me. the issue has brought out the absolute worst in everyone i know.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
top 5
three days a week i work at a bakery here on BYU campus. i wish i could say i worked more, but i don't. i say this is because my class load is too heavy, but really, it is mostly because i am lazy and can barely squeeze in homework time between knitting and watching dr. dog videos on youtube.
every saturday i can count on making eclairs. every tuesday i can count on filling those eclairs. fridays are a toss-up but i can generally count on scooping cookie dough or frosting brownies. my boss, lately, seems worried that i'm getting bored and frustrated with my routine. i tell him, no problem. my work station is typically set up in some remote corner of the kitchen, and the work i do is monotonous enough that i can daydream and look dumb without messing anything up too terribly.
this tuesday i found myself pining for the WPSR station, douchebag station manager and all. i miss my weekly hour of honing my DJ skills (which never became honed too well) and daily hours of perfecting the next show's playlist. even though the sounds of WPSR barely made it off campus--probably a good thing--it was nice to know that commercial-free, student-run college radio was still thriving. the fact that i got to participate in it is even better.
so imagine my disappointment when i come to ye olde utah valley to find that the local station is no longer volunteer-run and if there is a BYU radio station, it is way too exclusive for me to know about it.
(cat and girl)
i can't say that my motives for being on radio were exactly selfless. it's doubtful that any DJ can. however, there are simple considerations for the everyday folk that every DJ must take into account. whatever supershuffle supercomputer is running KODJ 94.1 is not doing this. there are songs i hear every day that should never be in any setlist on any station. the following list is not a matter of opinion or taste. it is a matter of decency.
TOP 5 SONGS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE HEARD ON KODJ 94.1, OR ANY CLASSIC ROCK RADIO STATION
(in descending order) :
5. fly like an eagle - the steve miller band
why put this song in your setlist when you have "the joker" on hand? personally, i would like to hear "the joker" three times a day. but since i am speaking for the public, i will simply say that it is common knowledge that "the joker" is a far better song, and playing "fly like an eagle" instead is criminal.
4. any song from grease
if KODJ plays "you're the one that i want," i should also be hearing a selection from west side story. the excuse that grease is a "rock and roll musical" is not valid here. if it were, i would also be doing the time warp.
3. uncle albert/admiral halsey - paul mccartney
i'm a beatles fan like everyone else, but i have some personal bias against macca. as mentioned previously, though, this is not a matter of personal taste. if it was, i would have listed "silly love songs." "uncle albert/admiral halsey" is placed here because of (a) the "hands across the water" chorus, (b) the "butter pie" verse, and (c) the awful trumpet part, which is perhaps the cheesiest thing paul mccartney has ever done. and that is really saying something because this is the same man who wrote "monkberry moon delight."
2. the beach boys medley
it starts with "good vibrations." not what i would choose to play, but okay. then--suddenly--it's "surfin' USA." before you can register the transition you're hearing "california girls." medleys are for middle school band concerts and kindergarten christmas programs. there may not be much left to brian wilson, but at least do the man some justice by playing "wouldn't it be nice" in full.
1. nights in white satin - the moody blues
who decided this was radio-friendly? this absolutely boggles my mind. besides its sheer length, there is the narrative part at the end that, however commonly used, is just not heard in any other song played on commercial radio (not that it should start). i can't imagine "nights in white satin" making any sense outside of the context of its album. i can respect the epic grandeur of the moody blues. but "nights in white satin" is always a downer--even if it is followed by "brick house."
every saturday i can count on making eclairs. every tuesday i can count on filling those eclairs. fridays are a toss-up but i can generally count on scooping cookie dough or frosting brownies. my boss, lately, seems worried that i'm getting bored and frustrated with my routine. i tell him, no problem. my work station is typically set up in some remote corner of the kitchen, and the work i do is monotonous enough that i can daydream and look dumb without messing anything up too terribly.
this tuesday i found myself pining for the WPSR station, douchebag station manager and all. i miss my weekly hour of honing my DJ skills (which never became honed too well) and daily hours of perfecting the next show's playlist. even though the sounds of WPSR barely made it off campus--probably a good thing--it was nice to know that commercial-free, student-run college radio was still thriving. the fact that i got to participate in it is even better.
so imagine my disappointment when i come to ye olde utah valley to find that the local station is no longer volunteer-run and if there is a BYU radio station, it is way too exclusive for me to know about it.
(cat and girl)
i can't say that my motives for being on radio were exactly selfless. it's doubtful that any DJ can. however, there are simple considerations for the everyday folk that every DJ must take into account. whatever supershuffle supercomputer is running KODJ 94.1 is not doing this. there are songs i hear every day that should never be in any setlist on any station. the following list is not a matter of opinion or taste. it is a matter of decency.
TOP 5 SONGS THAT SHOULD NEVER BE HEARD ON KODJ 94.1, OR ANY CLASSIC ROCK RADIO STATION
(in descending order) :
5. fly like an eagle - the steve miller band
why put this song in your setlist when you have "the joker" on hand? personally, i would like to hear "the joker" three times a day. but since i am speaking for the public, i will simply say that it is common knowledge that "the joker" is a far better song, and playing "fly like an eagle" instead is criminal.
4. any song from grease
if KODJ plays "you're the one that i want," i should also be hearing a selection from west side story. the excuse that grease is a "rock and roll musical" is not valid here. if it were, i would also be doing the time warp.
3. uncle albert/admiral halsey - paul mccartney
i'm a beatles fan like everyone else, but i have some personal bias against macca. as mentioned previously, though, this is not a matter of personal taste. if it was, i would have listed "silly love songs." "uncle albert/admiral halsey" is placed here because of (a) the "hands across the water" chorus, (b) the "butter pie" verse, and (c) the awful trumpet part, which is perhaps the cheesiest thing paul mccartney has ever done. and that is really saying something because this is the same man who wrote "monkberry moon delight."
2. the beach boys medley
it starts with "good vibrations." not what i would choose to play, but okay. then--suddenly--it's "surfin' USA." before you can register the transition you're hearing "california girls." medleys are for middle school band concerts and kindergarten christmas programs. there may not be much left to brian wilson, but at least do the man some justice by playing "wouldn't it be nice" in full.
1. nights in white satin - the moody blues
who decided this was radio-friendly? this absolutely boggles my mind. besides its sheer length, there is the narrative part at the end that, however commonly used, is just not heard in any other song played on commercial radio (not that it should start). i can't imagine "nights in white satin" making any sense outside of the context of its album. i can respect the epic grandeur of the moody blues. but "nights in white satin" is always a downer--even if it is followed by "brick house."
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
fridge and pantry: soapbox
it's confirmed. i will never get scurvy.
(this is just my shelf in the fridge. i did not include the crisper drawer.)
it's not enough that all of my relatives have their own vegetable gardens and are constantly sending me bags of peppers and tomatoes. no, then there are farmer's markets. my dad was recently in town and he, like me, is a sucker for produce. i woke up at my grandparents' house on saturday morning and was presented with a box full of apples, peaches, pears, and nectarines.
"these are asian pears. they're more like apples."
"these are ginger golds. they're interesting."
"i guess i didn't get you too many peaches. we'll have to go back."
and the best:
"i also got you five pounds of honey. that should last you a while."
whenever i look at the contents of my fridge and pantry shelves i think about how my friend down the road just bought a case of ramen. it's not just about the ease of preparation. it's that ramen, and nearly all processed food, is a whole lot cheaper than buying a pound or two of apples. and as a general rule, it would be cheaper for me to go to beto's than make dinner for myself. if i didn't have relatives throwing food at me and wasn't inherently health conscious, i would probably be doing just that. (this is not to say, however, that don't enjoy a greasy burrito every now and then. i am only as health conscious as my willpower allows.)
the question is, why do you have to be a white upper-middle-class yuppie to get decent food? farmer's markets, to me, are associated with hipsters and middle-aged guys in birkenstocks buying heirloom tomatoes--in other words, they're trendy.
what i'm hoping is that the trend doesn't fade and instead becomes part of the mainstream culture. the ideal would be for small farms to become more prevalent, decreasing the need for imported produce and thus decreasing the cost (potentially). heirloom tomatoes for all.
http://www.slowfoodusa.org/
(this is just my shelf in the fridge. i did not include the crisper drawer.)
it's not enough that all of my relatives have their own vegetable gardens and are constantly sending me bags of peppers and tomatoes. no, then there are farmer's markets. my dad was recently in town and he, like me, is a sucker for produce. i woke up at my grandparents' house on saturday morning and was presented with a box full of apples, peaches, pears, and nectarines.
"these are asian pears. they're more like apples."
"these are ginger golds. they're interesting."
"i guess i didn't get you too many peaches. we'll have to go back."
and the best:
"i also got you five pounds of honey. that should last you a while."
whenever i look at the contents of my fridge and pantry shelves i think about how my friend down the road just bought a case of ramen. it's not just about the ease of preparation. it's that ramen, and nearly all processed food, is a whole lot cheaper than buying a pound or two of apples. and as a general rule, it would be cheaper for me to go to beto's than make dinner for myself. if i didn't have relatives throwing food at me and wasn't inherently health conscious, i would probably be doing just that. (this is not to say, however, that don't enjoy a greasy burrito every now and then. i am only as health conscious as my willpower allows.)
the question is, why do you have to be a white upper-middle-class yuppie to get decent food? farmer's markets, to me, are associated with hipsters and middle-aged guys in birkenstocks buying heirloom tomatoes--in other words, they're trendy.
what i'm hoping is that the trend doesn't fade and instead becomes part of the mainstream culture. the ideal would be for small farms to become more prevalent, decreasing the need for imported produce and thus decreasing the cost (potentially). heirloom tomatoes for all.
http://www.slowfoodusa.org/
Monday, July 21, 2008
it's a sound salvation
this morning one of my professors started to explain to us what records are. "they're like great big CDs, but made out of vinyl. you play them on a record player. record players have needles that fit into the grooves on the record, and that registers sound." then he stopped himself. "oh, this is completely over your heads."it was funny because i bought a turntable off one of my friends just last friday, and spent the rest of the weekend alone in my apartment listening to vinyl. here are the albums i listened to, all loaned to me by said friend and his roommate:
joan of arc - live in chicago, 1999 (which is on the turntable in the picture)
make believe - of course
microphones - mount eerie
echo and the bunnymen - porcupine
the minus 5 - down with wilco
blonde redhead - melody of certain damaged lemons
wire - pink flag
what i like best about this turntable is that it is portable, which means it has a built-in speaker, which means i can further delay buying real speakers (buying stereo equipment on my own is really intimidating, for some reason). this built-in speaker is probably of the same quality as the speaker in my laptop, if not a little less. yet i am convinced that the turntable sounds better. i have hundreds of albums on my iTunes but i know i'll be listening to the same seven albums until i have to give them back.
(not that that's a bad thing. i could listen to those seven albums forever anyway. i mean, pink flag nearly sends me into convulsions.)
in high school i dug out my dad's tape deck and started making and exchanging tapes. i bought a cheap walkman and carried it with me everywhere. when asked why i didn't use an iPod or at least a discman, i didn't know how to respond. i wrote an essay instead. in that essay i said, i am not opposed to convenience. i have a laptop and an iPod. at the same time, i recognize that it is easy to lose yourself in convenience, and then everything becomes the same. monotonous. and this goes much farther beyond mp3s--why would i bake something from a box when i have eggs, flour, and sugar? why would i drive four blocks when i have feet? is the time i've saved really worth the experience i've lost?
i just put on the second side of porcupine. the sound of the needle hitting the vinyl is totally worth the $75 i spent.
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