finals schminals

in the english class i took my junior year in high school, i got an A or A+ on every paper but one. i think it was the second paper i wrote. i stayed after school to talk to my teacher.

"why did i get an A-?"

he sighed.

"look, it's not often that i give out A-pluses. an A- really won't hurt your average..."

"no no no no no. i don't want to talk about this." i covered the big red A-. "i want to talk about this." i waved my other hand over the rest of the page. "i just want to write better."

this is how i feel about grades. i don't care about being a valedictorian or having a 4.0. i never have. what i want is to know that i can communicate effectively and confidently what i've learned. an A on a paper to me says, "well, shoot, you've got this. and i dig what you're saying here. you explain things really well in a style that is pleasant to read." a 95 on a multiple choice test, on the other hand, says, "good job cramming."

so there, finals. in one sense, you are killing me, because i need to pass these classes, and the testing center in which you reside gives me the willies. in another sense, a bigger sense: i am just not into you.

jokes by ned

on tuesday i went grocery shopping.

i was wandering the frozen food aisle when an old man in one of those motorized scooter/wheelchair things came up to me.

"are you and your husband having a nice time?"

this was funny because i was alone, so i laughed.

"i have some jokes for you," he said. "you'll like them. they're funny."

he pulled out a packet of jokes he had photocopied from a joke book. on the top of the first page he had scrawled, "JOKES BY NED." i pretended to glance through the packet.

"yeah, these are pretty good."

"will you give me some money for my jokes? i bet you have a five-dollar bill in your purse there."

i pulled out my wallet. "uh, no," i said, "but i have a one-dollar bill." i handed it to him.

"that's not enough."

"i do what i can, sir."

he looked at the dollar bill in his hands.

"give me back my jokes."

"give me back my dollar."

"FINE."

and he motored off to harass some boys at the other end of the aisle.